Awkward.

I don't consider myself to be an awkward person. I adapt pretty well in social situations. I can be sociable, I know when to shut up (whether I do or not is another issue,) I try to be careful about the things I say, I try to dress appropriately... But for some reason or other (I can think of about 500), in Spain I am a walking awkward weirdo. It's amazing that people talk to me.

Let me share with you some of my glaring mistakes and the unavoidable silent moments and confused expressions.

• It is natural in this type of situation to be correcting teachers and students on vocabulary, usage, grammar, pronunciation, etc. What is very difficult, however, is knowing when a word is actually correct in British English. For example, a ladybug is in fact called a "ladybird" in England and a "jumper" is not a one-piece for girls but a sweater for boys...
• Holding a conversation after which both parties walk away not having a clue in hell what the other person said (happens every day at least once.)
• People constantly talking about you in front of your face. Yes I am American, yes I speak English, no I'm not mentally handicapped or deaf, I know what you're saying about me... Take it to the other room people.
• Trying to speak Spanish: when your "rr" comes out sounding like a cat noise and your "j" produces an un-swallowable loogey.
• You realize that the super-hot man you've been watching at the bar is in fact the married father of one of your students and the cousin of the woman you have been talking about him to. "Don't tell me you don't think he's sexy!"
• When a student comes out and asks you, "Teacher, what is the meaning of the word 'fucking?'" ... "Google it. And don't say that again."